Week 2 Preview

Game 1: Hamsters vs. DaBearS
The projections have the Hamsters as a 23 point favorite in this one, but we all know that the projections can always fuck you.  I'm rolling with Matt Ryan vs. the Cardinals because Mr. Emo Quarterback is up against the Cowboys and not the Lions.  Also I'm moving Shady McCoy into my flex hoping he can gouge the Lions D like Matt Forte did last week.  I'm trying to see if I can find out something definite about Hakeem Nicks ankle before I replace him with Ward or Breaston.


If Schaub and Andre Johnson make up for what they didn't do last week the Hamsters might be in trouble.  DaBears will need a repeat performance of last week from Forte (not fucking likely) and some great performances from the other backs and receivers to pull off the win this week.


Prediction: The Hamsters crawl down DaBearS throat and pops out of its stomach like the monster in Alien.


Game 2: Patriots vs. 49ers
Uhh ohh, the projections have the Patriots as only a 1 point favorite, could be a close one.  Flacco should have a pretty good game against the Bengal's D, while Brees might not be his usual self against what was supposed to be a great 49ers D, or he might look like Matt Hasselback.  I have to think that last week's loss has lit a fire under the 49ers collective asses.though.  I see the WR match up as pretty much even giving a slight edge to the 49ers, while giving an edge to the Patriots in the RB battle.  This one may come down to Defenses and IDPs.


Prediction: Fuck if I know.


Game 3: COWBOYS 4 vs. Decapitators
COWBOYS 4 are a six point favorite in this one.  Another close one.  I don't  really know what to say about this one.  There's a whole heap of mediocrity across the board in this one, but at least you have Fetus Head and Romo. Hey, that sounds like a great title for and early 80's sitcom.  I like DJax and Welker as your  number 1 wideouts.  When your starting RBs are Bush and Tomlinson and Ricky Williams, and Peyton Hillis, respectively, I really don't know what to say, except that a little draft prep might go a long way next season.  A great game by Dallas Clark could be the difference in this one.


Prediction: Major Suckitude


Game 4: Titans vs. Steelers
Yes, these two are going to be at a Titans/Steelers game while playing each other (cue the Twilight Zone theme.)  The Titans are favored by sixteen points in this one.  Brock is starting Michael Vick this week, not because he thinks Vick will do well, but just because he hates Tom Brady.  Really even in the WR match up, but I'll give an edge to the Titans.  I can't expect Arian Foster to have a repeat performance of last week (he'll probably fumble in a critical situation like he always did at UT), I have to give the RB edge to Brock, mostly due to Chris Johnson.  This one could come down to the fucking placekickers.


Prediction: A Rob Bironas field goal decides this one both in real life and fantasy.


Game 5: Chiefs vs. Bear Down Brawlers
The Bear Down Brawlers are favored by six here.  Gotta give Rivers the nod since he's playing the dismal Jags, while Favre is up against a pretty good Dolphins D.  The wideouts are prettiy even here, while I'll give the RB nod to the Chiefs.  I like Knowshon over. Nanee in the flex. This could come down to kickers and defense again.  


Prediction: Slight nod to the Chiefs due to the bounce back week I think MJD and Michael Turner will have.


Good luck to everyone this week. (Except Todd, who I plan on beating like a red headed step child, motherfucker)