Giving Fantasy Thanks

Grant Gives Fantasy Thanks

On this the day of Thanksgiving, here's a holiday blog update from the league's favorite team owner giving you losers the Top 5 reason you should be thankful this fantasy football season.

Enjoy.

1. I'm not the Commish

Constant questions/complaints/concerns/clarifications about the Injured Reserve list, it's rules and it's list of player names, organizing the draft/rule changes/owner changes. and dealing with all the other crap that comes with a fantasy football league. I'm not the Commissioner, and neither are 10 other people that may or may not read this post this week — and for that, we should all be thankful. We should also say thanks to that moron who is the Commish of this podunk league of fantasy losers. Also, he's made me feel welcome in the league during my first year by constantly putting me down, hitting on my wife and calling me names via foul language'd text messages. That's how I know I'm really fitting in with you bunch of haters. Hate away, Brock. Just ask Scott, he knows I thrive under the hate.

2. Nothing to play for, Amy.

Listen, I have as big of a man crush on Tom Brady as anyone in the United States of America. Ask my wife. I mean, she's legitimately concerned at this point. But the facts are this, the Patriots are 7-3 in one of the worst divisions in football. The rest of the AFC East is a combined 12-18 (with the Jets, Bills and Dolphins each at 4-6). New England has the division won and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. So why would the Patriots even risk injuries to their skill positions in the final month of the season? Add to that, they saw what happened to Gronk. And they'll take heed to that warning. Left on the schedule for the Pats: at New York (Jets), at Miami, Houston at home, San Francisco at home, at Jacksonville, Miami at home. The point? Amy has rode the coattails of Brady, white boy wasted Wes Welker and Steven Ridley to a 7-4 record. But when the playoffs roll around (and Amy has all but clinched a spot), what is left for the Pats to play for? Not only that, if Brady/Welker/Ridley are still getting a lot of minutes in two weeks (when the playoffs start), New England faces Houston and San Fran back-to-back. Good luck Amy, but that's just awful, awful timing (and scheduling ... and, well that just sucks.)

3. Gronk's Forearm

Just when Scott's squad had rose from the dead after a 1-God-knows-what record behind the spectacle that is Gronk Sauce, Rob Gronkowsi broke his forearm. The surgery that resulted was reported as none season ending, but the possible eight weeks he could be out makes it a fantasy season ender. Gronk had weeks of 27, 28 and 19 points in three of the last four Patriot games. Now he's gone. Prompting Scott to change his team name from “Gronk Smash!” to “Gronk Gone *tear*”. Now, as we all gather to give thanks with those that annoy us after anything more than few hours together, let's have a moment of silence to honor the Gronk and fist pump under the table that Scott's team has been severely handicapped heading into the final two weeks and the stretch run for a playoff push. Sorry Scott. I couldn't do a blog post without addressing the issue. 

4. Fetter's Awful Luck

I'm not going to waste time writing about Fetter's awful luck this season. It's been well documented in both this blog and the results page of the league site. But let's all give thanks, for those cheap losses Fetter didn't deserve and those weeks we all got lucky to beat him with out-of-our-roster's-minds kind of performances. Sorry, Fetter.

5. Division 2

Maybe it's just me, but I'm glad I'm not in Division 1. The teams that are in Division 1 by record: 8-4, 7-3, 7-3, 5-6, 5-6, 3-8. Um, no thanks. I'll stick with the log jam of piss poor teams like Gronk Gone, Da Bears and my terrible Decatur Staleys all tied at 5-6. The jam is soon to be broken, though, as Gronk faces Da Bears this week and the Staleys face the Gronk in two weeks, a.k.a. the final week of the season. Should be an interesting two Sundays. As for myself, Todd and Scott, let's give thanks we're in the sucky division where at least two of us (if not Fetter) will make the postseason. That's right, a 6 or 7 win team is poised for a playoff berth. Suck it Division 1.

Just to answer what you're currently thinking after reading the Top 5 reasons for fantasy thanks, no, I didn't write this just because my team won last week. My team still blows. Y'all can take comfort in that. And I didn't include that y'all should be thankful for me being entered into the league this year, because, I mean, that much is obvious. Where would y'all be, and who would y'all have to hate on, had I never came around?

 If I didn't hate on your team this week, don't worry, there's always next week. And there's plenty of hate to go around.

In all seriousness, thanks to Scott for the invite, Brock for the entry and all of y'all for the hate. That's how I know I'm welcomed. Enjoy my $50. Definitely ain't winning that back.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and to all a good Fantasy Sunday (and Thursday).