Found this on Facebook (Via http://imgur.com/a/9H0Hv). 

Enjoy. 

Week 4 Rewind — Y'all asked for it

Editor's Note: It seems everyone thinks I use this space every week to take a dump on their teams. That's not the case. To illustrate my point, this week I will proceed to take a dump on every team in the league — except mine, of course.

Decatur Staleys 114.60, Boondock Saints 103.16
All you need to know is Decatur basically didn't start a quarterback (Jake Locker) or a tight end (Dennis Pitta), and still beat Corey's pitiful Boondock Saints, Week 4's lowest scoring team. Locker, who I, being a Bears fan, decided to start over both Tony Romo and Jay Cutler, went down with an injury before scoring a point. Pitta, who led all NFL tight ends in targets entering Week 4, also goose egg'd in Baltimore's win on Thursday Night Football. Not to worry, though, all Decatur needed was a 33-point day from Roddy White and a 23-point day from Marshawn Lynch to best Boondock's pitiful 103-point performance.

The Saints got 77.96 of it's 103 points from Eli Manning (24.36), Cedric Benson (11.60), Willis McGahee (21.50), David Akers (10.00) and Curtis Lofton (10.50). The rest of the roster was www.fail.com. Some of the lowlights: Jeremy Maclin, 0.70; Jets D/ST, 3.00; Andre Johnson, 5.60; Andrew Hawkins, 3.90. Insult to injury was Santonio Holmes' foot injury, where after he inexplicably spiked the ball in midst of his injury (before being downed by contact), which San Francisco scooped and scored with after the recovery. Holmes has since been placed on the IR, not that anyone would pick up that 200-pound heap of tire fire.

NEXT UP: Decatur Staley's vs. Sawyer Shinobi's
NEXT UP: Boondock Saints vs. Chiefs

Ben There Raped That 159.46, Gronk Smash! 143.64

This one literally came down to the second half of Monday Night Football before a winner was decided — and it just so happens the Ambiguously Gay Duo of Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall was all that made the difference in this match-up of our league's own Ambiguously Gay Duo of Brock and Scott. (To be more exact, Brock refers to Scott as his “metrosexual life partner.' Whatever.) Marshall had 21.80 points on Monday Night Football, after Ben There and Smash went to half time of MNF separated by just a half-point. Other monster days: Matt Ryan, 32.76; Torrey Smith, 15.70; Chris Johnson (OMFG!!), 17.70; Arizona D/ST, (16.00).

Scott played the role of catcher to Brock's pitcher in this one thanks to DeMarco Murray's where-the-hell-were-you 8 points. Brent Celek struggled to a 6 point day and The Law Firm BJG-E had a mediocre 9 points in the flex. Rob Gronkowski looked like the Gronk of old with a 17.40 day, which included a Gronk Spike in the Buffalo end zone. All for not, though, for Scott, President of the Trash Talkers Club, as Gronk Smash!, a squad that started 5-0 last year, has struggled to a 1-3 start out of the gate this season. As Johnathan put it on the League Message Board, “I'm putting Scott Feldman on the IR because his
(expletive) is busted, lmao.”

NEXT UP: Ben There Raped That vs. Packers
NEXT UP: Gronk Smash! vs. 49ers

Bear Down Brawlers 153.06, Packers 127.64

Drew Brees dropped a 40-burger in Lambeau, but that turned out to be nothing but a side note of irony as Bear Down Brawlers dropped the Packers 153.06-127.64 to end the run of the last remaining undefeated team in the league. The Brawlers had big days of their own from the San Fran D/ST (32.00), Marques Colston (26.30) and Philip Rivers (18.36). Those performances offset still-hurt-but-played-anyway Matt Forte (5.90 points), Malcom Floyd (2.30) and back-to-earth Tony Gonzalez (5.10).

Other than the Drew Brees 40-burger, the Packers had a large-as-usual performance from AJ Green (19.70) — hard to imagine Green not being one of the top two wide outs off the draft board next year — and other dub-fig days from Frank Gore (13.50), Danny Amendola (12.10) and Stephen Gostowski (10.00). How big has been Amendola been this year? Huge. And Jerry Jones cut him on Hard Knocks. lol. Congrats to the Packers, now fall in line with the rest of the one-loss teams.

NEXT UP: Bear Down Brawlers vs. Stairway to Seven
NEXT UP: Packers vs. Ben There Raped That

Patriots 151.40, Stairway to Seven 128.52

Remember when everyone laughed as Amy kept (and kept and kept and kept) drafting Patriots on Draft Day? Not so funny now. Tom Brady dropped a 40-burger and Wes Welker had 12.90. Steven Ridley had a ginormo 25.60 and that write-in draft pick Alfred Morris had 18.90. That one continues to sting. Eric Decker had 13.90 and everyone one else on the roster was, well, rather forgetful. Might be time to find Ben Tate (1.40) a comfy spot on the bench. And if you're keeping score at home, Amy got 78.50 points from her three New Englanders. That's roughly 26.16 points per Pat.

“I'm officially open to all trades.” That was the message Eric posted on the League Board this week. And that's all you need to know about Stairway to Seven. I guess a 1-3 start will do that to you. Peyton Manning's neck fusions looked fine to me (but hey, I'm no doctor) in the Broncos win over Oakland, when Manning went for 33.42 points. The Texans D/ST had 27 points thanks to the generosity of Matt Hasselbeck. J.J. Watt continued his break-out season with 12.50 points against the Titans, including the KO shot on Jake Locker.

NEXT UP: Patriots vs. Da Bears
NEXT UP: Stairway to Seven vs. Bear Down Brawlers

Chiefs 157.36, 49ers 110.54

BREAKING NEWS: The Chiefs suck less than the 49ers. And to be exact, they suck 46.82 points less. Thanks to Aaron Rodgers and his discount-double-check 38.06 points and six other dub-fig performances, the Chiefs finally picked up a win in Toilet Bowl I. The Cincinnati D/ST had 20, somewhere-over-Dwayne Bowe had 18.80 and DeSean Jackson had 15.90 for the welcome-to-the-win-column Chiefs. James Jones had 17.60 for some Chiefs double-points and kill-that-(expletive) Patrick Willis had 10.50. Stay tuned for Toilet Bowl II later this season.

What kind of Toilet Bowl performance did the 49ers have? Matt Prater, you know, the kicker, was the fourth-highest point man on roster. Prater had 14.00, behind only turnover-time Mike Vick (20.54), Anquan Boldin's 15.10 and Adrian Peterson's 14.20. Larry Fitzgerald had a welcome-back 13.40 points.

NEXT UP: Chiefs vs. Boondock Saints
NEXT UP: 49ers vs. Gronk Smash!

Sawyers Shinobi's 159.80, Da Bears 140.36

Da Bears had three 20-point performers and still lost to Sawyer Shinobi's, a team that gets my vote for most annoying team name in the league. Shinobi's had 35 from Cam Newton, 20 from Jamaal Charles and a wake-up-time 19 points from Jason Witten. The Baltimore D/ST had a rather dry 13 points and Darren Sproles had his regular 12.40.

Matthew Stafford (22.16), Michael Turner (25.10) and the Bears D/ST (25.00) all dropped 20-burgers with cheese, but to no avail. Jordie Nelson had 16.30 and Demaryius Thomas had 10.30 points as Da Bears joined Gronk Smash! in the we-scored-way-too-many-points-to-lose club.

NEXT UP: Sawyers Shinobi's vs. Decatur Staleys
NEXT UP: Da Bears vs. Patriots

POWER RANKINGS
Pl. | Team | Record | Points For | Points Against
1. Packers | 3-1 | 590.90 | 528.14
The Danny Amendola Gravy Train couldn't cover the biscuits this week.
2. Ben There Raped That | 3-1 | 562.12 | 468.40
Matty Ice is cold-blooded. And Ben There continues Power Rankings climb behind him.
3. Decatur Staleys | 3-1 | 532.54 | 509.76
Trivia: Who's leading the NFL in rushing? Answer: Marshawn Lynch.
4. Sawyer Shinobi's | 3-1 | 521.82 | 481.62
Jason Witten's spleen is finally back in tact.
5. Patriots | 3-1 | 488.78 | 482.84
The Tom Brady-Wes Welker lovers' quarrel is officially over. (Rendering Julian Edleman COMPLETELY useless.)
6. Da Bears | 2-2 | 550.68 | 551.60
Michael Turner back from fantasy retirement.
7. Boondock Saints | 2-2 | 514.40 | 498.10
Golden Plunger of the Week goes to Boondock Saints, after a league-low and league-laughable 103 points.
8. Bear Down Brawlers | 2-2 | 501.28 | 462.72
Might want to send a thank you card to Santonio Holmes — or the entire Jets organization.
9. Stairway To Seven | 1-3 | 556.66 | 552.48
Peyton Manning can throw this ball clear over those mountains.
10. Gronk Smash! | 1-3 | 542.46 | 561.58
DeMarco Murray.
11. Chiefs | 1-3 | 458.76 | 553.74
What's that saying about a blind squirrel?
12. 49ers | 0-4 | 441.64 | 611.48
Yeah, Week 4 wasn't “every now and then” for this blind squirrel.

Week 3 Rewind: Jamaal Charles, y'all.

No. 1 Packers 148.90, No. 3 Decatur Staleys 120.22

The Packers kept rolling through the schedule by rolling the Decatur Staleys, winning 148.90-120.22 to earn the label of the only undefeated team left in the the league. A.J. Green had a 79-yard touchdown catch and run on Cincinnati's first offensive snap and ended up going for a monster 30.40 points. Drew Brees had 26.50, Heath Miller had 18.00 (a league-high for tight ends in Week 3) and Stephen Gostowski had a 12.00-point performance. The top-ranked Packers have went over their projected points as a team three times in three weeks and average a league-high 154.42 points per week. 

Decatur's Week 3 face plant begins and ends with Tony Romo, who had a 5.32-point outing against Tampa Bay. That's right. Count 'em on one hand — well, almost. Ugh. The Steelers D/ST had a grand total of 3.00 points, to continue its pace of underachieving its projected points in each of the first three weeks of the season. Roddy White had a equally pitiful 5.50 points, Marshawn Lynch had a let-down 9.90 points and the always disappointing Jermichael Finley had his regular 6.00 points. Welcome to Dropsville, Jermichael. Also, your first name is stupid and confusing.

NEXT UP: No. 1 Packers vs. No. 10 Bear Down Brawlers

NEXT UP: No. 3 Decatur Staleys vs. No. 2 Boondock Saints

No. 2 Boondock Saints 141.52, No. 7 Patriots 117.90

Boondock Saints didn't have any huge performances, but eight of 13 starters scoring double digits was good enough for a 141.52-117.90 win to give the Patriots their first loss of the season. Eli Manning (18.02), Andre Johnson (13.20), Andrew Hawkins (14.20), Cedric Benson (12.40), Jared Cook (13.70), Santonio Holmes (16.70), Jets D/ST (11.00) and Curtis Lofton (13.00) all scored in dub-figs for Boondock, who moved up to No. 2 in the Week 3 Power Rankings.

The Patriots had some big point days, but too many underachieving point totals cost Amy the matchup. Tom Brady (22.10) and Wes Welker (16.20) got back in a groove and Nate Washington (19.20) had a big outing for the Titans. Alfred Morris and his 14.80 points and Eric Decker's 15.60 points were other big totals for The Patriots. Eight of 13 starters, though, had 6.00 points or less. The five starters in double digits combined for 87.90 points. The eight others combined for a grand total of 30.00 points.

NEXT UP: No. 2 Boondock Saints vs. No 3 Decatur Staleys 

NEXT UP: No. 7 Patriots vs. No. 8 Stairway to Seven

No. 4 Da Bears 152.62, No. 9 Gronk Smash! 123.08

A lot like the Patriots in Week 3, a few big performances lifted Da Bears to a 152.62-123.08 win over Gronk Smash! MJD had 30.30 points in Indianapolis (remember when Rashard Jennings was relevant?), Matthew Stafford had 20.32 points in the OT loss in Nashville and the Bears D/ST nearly dropped a 30-burger with cheese, scoring 29.00 points, which that included an interception returned for a touchdown. Chad Greenway had 17.50 points at the LB spot. Jordy Nelson had 1.90 points and Demaryius Thomas had 1.40 points in the two WR spots for Da Bears. Shonn Greene had 4.90 points in the flex and Antoine Bethea went for a single point.

Gronk Smash! couldn't keep the momentum from Week 2 despite Joe Flacco's best effort. Wacco for Flacco had a team-high 30.30 points and the Seahawks D/ST (a clutch midweek acquisition) went for 20.00 points against Green Bay (including a ridic eight first-half sacks) as Smash! got double-figure days from just three starting spots. Demarco Murray had an 11.50-point day in Dallas. Smash's namesake, Rob Gronkowski, went for just 2.10 points, Vincent Jackson (after going for 128 yards and a touchdown last week) had just 2.90 points and Brent Celek was under his projection with 3.60 points.

NEXT UP: No. 9 Gronk Smash!, No. 5 Ben There Raped That 

NEXT UP: No. 4 Da Bears vs. No. 6 Sawyer Shinobi's

No. 5 Ben There Raped That 173.44, No. 11 49ers 113.58

Ben There Raped That put up huge numbers up and down the starting line-up, scoring a second-best in the league 173.44 points in a 59.86-point win over the 49ers. The Commish bounced back from last week's who-wears-the-pants-in-this-house loss to Amy with a quadruple 20-burger with extra cheese in Week 3. RGIII had what's becoming a usual performance for the rookie, scoring 27.34 points in a loss to the Bengals. Torrey Smith had an emotional and inspiring 26.70 points roughly 18 hours after his brother passed away in a motorcycle accident and Darren McFadden woke up from his off-season/preseason hibernation with 20.50 points. The Cardinals D/ST tied the Bears for a league-high 29.00 points. Other dub-figs included Donald Brown (10.10), Jason Hanson (16.00) and Daryl Washington (11.50).

The 49ers had some big-time performances and some big-time disappointments in Week 3, but it really wouldn't have mattered against Brock's 173-point day. Mikel LeShoure burst onto the scene for Detroit, running for 21.40 points in the Titans thriller. Larry Fitzgerald got back on track with 19.40 points and Adrian Peterson went for 10.70. The Dallas D/ST and Matt Prater each had 12.00-point days and Vernon Davis went for 11.30 in San Francisco's loss at Minnesota. Free agent pickup Calais Campbell had a single point and Patrick Peterson went for even less than that, with 0.60 points. Michael Vick continues to be all over the board. This week it was 7.48 points in another turnover-filled performance.

NEXT UP: No. 5 Ben There Raped That vs. No. 9 Gronk Smash!

NEXT UP: No. 11 49ers vs. No 12. Chiefs

No. 6 Sawyer Shinobi's 101.68, No. 10 Bear Down Brawlers 87.72

Jamaal Charles. Went. HAM. The dude had 43.80 points in Week 3, single-handedly accounting for 47 percent of Shinobi's points by rushing for 233 yards and a touchdown on 33 carries and catching six passes for another 55 yards. The other 12 starters for Shinobi's combined for 57.88 points. Cam Newton was the only other starter in dub-figs, with 10.28 points. Mark Ingram, Jason Witten, Greg Jennings, Ladarius Webb, Clay Matthews and the Ravens D/ST all scored four points or less in Week 3. 

Bear Down, like Shinobi's, had just two players in the dub-figs. The problem? Neither of those cats dropped a 40-burger. Arian Foster had 18.80 points in just another outing for the proven RB1 and Tony Gonzalez continued his blazing start to the season with 16.10 points. Philip Rivers, Marques Colston, Mike Williams, Matt Bryant, the 49ers D/ST and Jon Beason all had 4.00 points or less for the Brawlers who had a league-low 87.72 points in the loss to Jamaal Charles, err, the Shinobi's.

NEXT UP: No. 6 Sawyer Shinobi's vs. No. 4 Da Bears

NEXT UP: No. 10 Beardown Brawlers vs. No. 1 Packers

No. 8 Stairway to Seven 175.16, No. 12 Chiefs 92.82

Stairway to Seven had to take a dump on the commissioner's 173 points in Week 3 with a 175.16 performance of his own in a Ben Roethlisberger-like sexual assault of those lowly last place Chiefs. Three 20-burgers for Stairway included Megatron (27.40), Mike Wallace (20.40) and waiver-wire acquisition Andre Brown's 27.00 point night against the Panthers. Stairway's three defensive starters all went dub-figs and combined for 36.50 points (Roman Harper 11.50, J.J. Watt 14.00 and James Laurinaitis 11.00). Beanie Wells continued his season-long crap fest with 1.80 points in Arizona's win over the Eagles.

The Chiefs got a goose egg from the Lions D/ST in Nashville, a 2.70-point day from straight-cash-homey Randy Moss and a 3.40-point blunder from 250-pounds-of-flaming-garbage Steven Jackson  in the beat-down-received loss to Stairway. The highlights: Rob Bironas had a team-high 14.00, Trent Richardson showed some consistency with 11.10 and Martellus Bennett provided some value with 13.30 points. Discount-Double-Suck Aaron Rodgers continued to disappoint while running for his life in Seattle on MNF, finishing the Packers win loss with 10.62 points. 

NEXT UP: No. 8 Stairway to Seven vs. No. 7 Patriots 

NEXT UP: No. 12 Cheifs vs. No. 11 49ers

POWER RANKINGS

Pl. Team | Record | Points For | Points Against

1. Packers | 3-0 | 463.26 | 375.08

A.J. Green is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

2. Boondock Saints | 2-1 | 411.24 | 383.50

Eight players in dub-figs in Week 3? That's gross consistency. Welcome to No. 2 in the Power Rankings.

3. Decatur Staleys | 2-1 | 417.94 | 406.60 

Tony Romo is gay.

4. Da Bears | 2-1 | 410.32 | 391.80

Remember that MJD contract holdout? Yeah, me neither.

5. Ben There Raped That | 2-1 | 405.66 | 326.06

RGIII is a fantasy dream. Skittles on the reg.

6. Sawyer Shinobi's | 2-1 | 362.06 | 341.26

JAMAAL CHARLES.

7. Patriots | 2-1 | 337.38 | 353.90

Welcome back Wes Welker. Fantasy owners around the country missed your 5-foot-9 awesomeness.

8. Stairway to Seven | 1-2 | 428.14 | 401.08

Andre Brown balled like a first-rounder with a free agent price tag.

9. Gronk Smash! | 1-2 | 398.82 | 402.12

Has the former sophomore-sensation Rob Gronkowski smashed into a third-season slump? (See what I did there?)

10. Bear Down Brawlers | 1-2 | 348.22 | 335.08

Tony Gonzalez is pulling down TDs like it's Madden 2002.

11. 49ers | 0-3 | 332.40 | 375.08

It's Toilet Bowl, Week 4 edition when the lowly 49ers face the even more lowly Chiefs.

12. Chiefs | 0-3 | 301.40 | 443.20

If you're still reading at this point, see Toilet Bowl reference above. 

Week 2 Rewind: Eli Manning goin' WHITE BOY HAM

No. 7 Sawyers Shinobi's 142.22, No. 5 Boondock Saints 131.30

Sawyers Shinobi's rode some monster performances to down Boondock Saints 142.22-131.30. Among those performances, Cam Newton had 27.22, Victor Cruz had 28.90 and Clay Matthews went for 17.00. Darren Sproles (14.80) and Garret Hartley (10.00) were other solid contributors. The Baltimore D/ST had 12.00 in a loss at Philadelphia. Disappointments were Knowshon Moreno had -0.60, Jamal Charles had 2.20 and Greg Olseon had 1.30 points.

Boondock Saints had the high-point man in the league in Week 2 with Eli Manning (37.20) who threw for 510 yards and three touchdowns in a come-from-behind win over Tampa Bay. Andre Johnson went for an uncharacteristic 2.10 points in a Texans' loss. Kevin Smith had a pedestrian 7.00 points and Dexter McCluster went for 3.20. Willis McGahee had a 27.40 points on 113 yards and a pair of touchdowns.

NEXT UP: No. 7 Sawyers Shinobi's vs. No. 6 Bear Down Brawlers; No. 5 Boondock Saints vs. No. 2 Patriots

No. 3 Decatur Staleys 131.34, No. 12 Chiefs 108.86

Miles Austin (12.30), Roddy White (18.20) and Marshawn Lynch (20.20) saved Decatur from a rather bad weekend. Tony Romo went for a pedestrian 13.94, but his only touchdown pass (and the Cowboys only score in a 27-7 loss at Seattle) was to Miles Austin and good enough for Decatur double points. Mason Crosby had 12.00 in the kicker slot, the Cincinnati D/ST (a midweek match-up pick up) had 12.00 against Cleveland and London Fletcher had 10.00 for the Redskins, including a forced fumble and an interception. Jermichael Finley (1.60), Lance Moore (3.00) and Michael Bush (5.40) didn't show up. Injury Update: Bush, though, should become the Bears every-down back with Matt Forte out up to a month with a high ankle sprain.

The Chiefs put up 108 points despite the Chiefs D/ST, James Jones, Randy Moss, Rob Bironas and Aaron Hernandez scoring a combined 1.30 points. It didn't help that No. 1 overall pick Aaron Rodgers had just 12.16 points in a win over the Bears on Thursday Night Football. Trent Richardson (28.50), Dewayne Bowe (24.20) and Desean Jackson (13.40) accounted for a combined 66.4 of the Chiefs 108 points. Injury Update: Hernandez is expected to miss 4-6 week after suffering a high ankle sprain in the Patriots loss to the Cardinals.

NEXT UP: No. 1 Packers vs. No. 3 Decatur; No. 10 Stairway to Seven vs. No. 12 Chiefs

No. 4 Gronk Smash! 141.88, No. 10 Stairway to Seven 104.14

Gronk Smash! bounced back from a disappointing Week 1 by smashing Stairway to Seven in Week 2. Hakeem Nicks went off 30.90 points after Eli Manning went off on Tampa Bay. The Smash! roster wasn't top heavy, though, as double-figure starters filled the roster from top to bottom. Even Percy Harvin (13.70 points) had double figures. Rob Gronkowski was the fourth-best TE in the league in Week 2, scoring 13.50 points. More of that to come, too, after Aaron Hernandez went down with an injury Sunday. The WR group combined for 47.70 points for Smash! D'Qwell Jackson had a monster 16 points at the LB spot. Injury Update: Hakeem Nicks has been ruled out of tonight's game against the Panthers.

Stairway to Seven was already beat by the time Monday Night Football rolled around, but Peyton Manning throwing three interceptions in his first eight pass attempts against the Falcons didn't help. Manning finished with a very un-Manning like 9.54 points. Ahmad Bradshaw had to be the biggest disappointment of the week, scoring just 1.60 of his projected 15.51 points in Week 2. Seven got 61.40 of its 104.14 points from Reggie Bush (36.70 points), Mike Wallace (13.40 points) and the Houston D/ST (12.00 points). Injury Update: Ahmad Bradshaw has been ruled out of tonight's game against the Panthers.

NEXT UP: No. 4 Gronk Smash! vs. No. 8 Da Bears; No. 10 Stairway to Seven vs. No. 12 Chiefs

No. 6 Bear Down Brawlers 145.26, No. 11 49ers 95.44

Bear Down Brawlers got the second-highest point total in The League in Week 2 and crushed the 49ers in the process, winning by a league-high 49.82 points. Philip Rivers had 28.26, Arian Foster had 22.70 and Tony Gonazalez scored a touchdown for a second-straight week, scoring 13.00 points to help led The Brawlers in the win. The Brawlers' 43.60 points from it's three running backs was the

second-highest combined total at the position in Week 2.

Michael Vick (26.24 points) and Vernon Davis (19.30) did their best to get the 49ers in the win column. The Niners wide receiver corp did the least in Week 2, combining for just 7.80 points. The most disappointing of those wide outs was Larry Fitzgerald, who had just 0.40 points with Kevin Kolb at quarterback. Stephen Hill was scoreless. Of the 13 49ers starters, nine scored under projection.

NEXT UP: No. 6 Bear Down Bralwers vs. No. 7 Sawyer's Shinobi's; No. 11 49ers vs. No. 9 Ben There Raped That

No. 1 Packers 169.00, No. 8 Da Bears 121.00

Danny Amendola, another non-drafted acquisition, went White Boy HAM, scoring 25.00 points (that's 318.8 percent above his projection) for the top-ranked Packers. C.J. Spiller, who, through two weeks of the seasons, averages more yards PER CARRY than first-round draft pick Chris Johnson averages PER GAME, had 31.00 points. Drew Brees went for 23.00, Steve Smith had 13.00 and Frank Gore had 16.50. In total, the Packers had seven starters go for double figures.

Da Bears didn't start its team-leader in Week 2 points, Josh Freeman, who had 17.72 on the bench. Robbie Gould was outscored 14-4 at the kicker position, thanks in large part to Chicago's anemic offense in Green Bay. Matthew Stafford was another disappointment, scoring just 14.20 of a projected 21.22 points.

NEXT UP: No. 1 Packers vs. No. 3 Decatur Staleys; No. 8 Da Bears vs. No. 4 Gronk Smash!

No. 2 Patriots 97.24, No. 9 Ben There Raped That 94.26

The Commissioner losing to his wife is bad enough. Hell, anyone losing to their wife in fantasy football is bad enough. But Amy's Patriots beat Brock's Ben There Raped That with just the 10th-highest point total (and had just one touchdown on its roster) in the league in Week 2 — and Amy won in the closest game of the week, getting the W by just 2.98 points. The Packers D/ST (26 points) accounted for over 25 percent of the Patriots points after terrorizing The Ambiguously Gay Duo of Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall on Thursday Night Football. Three of the 13 starting roster spots (Antonio Gates, John Abraham and Robert Meachem) for the Patriots each had goose eggs — yep, zero points. Only four of the 13 starters went over projection. Let that sink in.

Robert Griffin III had 32.44 points on Ben There's bench. Ouch. Mike Goodson, a midweek acquisition, was also on Ben There's bench, where he had 14.70 points. That's 366.7 percent over his projection. Marshall was held to 2.40 points in the loss at Green Bay, which included a dropped touchdown pass. Eight of Brock's 13 starters scored below their projection. Ben There's running backs had just 11.40 combined points in Week 2. No doubt, it's been a fun week in the Commish's house.

NEXT UP: No. 9 Ben There Raped That vs. No. 11 49ers; No. 2 Patriots vs. No. 5 Boondock Saints

POWER RANKINGS

Pl. Team | Record | Points For | Points Against

1. Packers | (2-0) | 314.36 | 254.86

Who saw this coming from C.J. Spiller? No way he can keep up this pace, right?

2. Patriots | (2-0) |  219.48 | 212.38

Second-ranked team in The League. Third-lowest point total. Go Figure.

3. Decatur Staleys | (2-0) | 297.72 | 257.70

Matt Forte's injury gives Decatur three every-down backs going into a huge Week 3 match up against the top-ranked Packers.

4. Gronk Smash! | (1-1) | 275.74 | 249.50

Vincent Jackson woke up and settled in with Tampa Bay in Week 2. Will V-Jax could be an X-factor for Gronk Smash?

5. Boondock Saints | (1-1) | 269.72 | 265.60

Eli Manning threw all over the yard last week. Expect more of the same without Ahmad Bradshaw in Week 3 when the Giants take on the Panthers on Thursday Night Football.

6. Bear Down Brawlers | (1-1) | 260.50 | 233.40

How long can Tony Gonzalez remain a red zone threat at the tight end position? Arian Foster continues to prove himself as RB1.

7. Sawyer Shinobi's | (1-1) | 260.34 | 253.54

Victor Cruz could be in for a big Week 3 without Hakeem Nicks in the Giants' lineup.

8. Da Bears | (1-1) | 257.70 | 268.72

Matthew Stafford needs a bounce-back performance in Week 3 after a un-Stafford like 14 points in Week 2.

9. Ben There Raped That | (1-1) | 232.22 | 212.48

Matt Ryan or RGIII? That's a fun decision to make every week.

10. Stairway to Seven (0-2) 252.98 308.26

Which Peyton Manning will show up in Week 3? Can Week 2 Reggie Bush become a consistent big-point man?

11. 49ers | (0-2) | 218.82 | 283.68

The Michael Vick gamble has paid off. Has Larry Fitzgerald proven that even great wide receivers need a competent QB?

12. Chiefs | (0-2) | 208.58 | 268.04

The 2012 Aaron Rodgers just hasn't been the same as 2011 Aaron Rodgers. He certainly hasn't been No. 1 overall pick worthy.